Do not take this blog seriously, and don't drive and read!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Simple Thoughts

Poverty & Fashion, Country style: 
The best thing about being a poor child growing up in the 1970’s was living in a small town. We didn’t live near anyone so we didn’t realize how poor we were. Could we afford chain guards for our bikes? Nope. Do you think the fashion designers got a big “funny laugh” out of watching the poor kids play? Yup! I can hear them laughing, and “chatting” amongst themselves. The scene is set. It’s mid-1960, AND with a “space-race mentality” they are thinking ahead to the next generation. Four top “fashion engineers” are sitting in a circle; burning incense in a New York City apartment. As they gaze at a new design for jeans, they begin the conversation.
            1: “That’s interesting.”
            2: “Yes it is…”
            3:  “What do you call it?”
            4:  “I call them “bell bottoms.”
            1:  “Oh really?”
            2:  “Odd…”
            3:  “Sweet…”
            1:  “I think I like it.”
            4:  “You want to know why I call them “bell bottoms?”
            1:  “Oh do tell.”
            2:  “Please.”
            3:  “I’m thrusting inside”
            1:  In angst… I am… Is it not the way they look?  Like A Bell.”
             4: “No silly, it’s designed for all the poor kids from Tennessee who can’t afford Bicycle Chain Guards. They’ll get their britches hooked in the chain at high rates of speed; thus causing their little bicycles to come to a sudden stop and landing them on their noggins.”
            1: “Sweet.”
            2: “Delicious”
            3: “I love it.”
            4: “They’ll have their little “bells rung” every time they attempt an Evil Knievel.”
            2.  I’m Panting!!"
            3. “What’s an Evil Knievel?”
            4. “Trying to jump a POND you juvenile!”
            2.  Oh, playful!
            1. “I Hate pond scum.”
            3:  “A plenty….”

It's a good thing tube socks were also popular at the time. That’s where I stuck the bottom of my jeans when I was riding my bike.  Like Hank Jr. says, “A Country Boy Can Survive.”  It’s the art of ingenuity. 
But that got me to thinking the fashion “industry” can’t be all bad. There had to be a “Pretender” somewhere in the mix.
SO just like Jackson Browne told me to do, I said my "Prayer for the Pretender."  
By the term, “Pretender,” I mean some “chic stylist” who felt sorry for poor little country boys and came up with the idea of popularizing tube socks about the same time “bell-bottoms” were “in.”  Thank you for deeming us as “human” and saving our collective lives!

Regarding Valentine's Day:
Though Christmas has past and Valentine's Day is near we’ve lingered in silence far too long. Does anyone else remember having to jump up to kiss a girl while she’s standing under the mistletoe?  It’s one of the sexiest memories of childhood. There’s nothing sweeter than crashing into your “sweetheart” and bloodying her lip with your forehead. It’s best if she’s not expecting it. I understand now why girls hated wearing braces. But the lesson learned is this: You can not really “die” of embarrassment. That’s’ good.

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