Hokiescopes (Week of Feb., Late February)

Since the WorLD WiDe wEb is full of predictions and horoscopes, then I must declare my piece of the “MOON-PIE!”

This web-log will prove its lack of awareness about the future by posting a drowsy consciousness pertaining to hold the keys to the future. Unlock the secrets of your sign as we peer skyward through the eyes of this week’s Hokiescopes  

(And you don’t even have to sign up for anything!)

Week of: (February, Late February)--  Way late I know... 

Aquarium (Jan 21-Feb. 19)

   Your sign is most original and inventive. You might even use a coat hanger instead of a wire whisk to mix your pancakes. Or you might convince your family that tortilla shells are actually pancakes that didn’t rise in the oven.

  And you’ll persuade them the oven needs to be fixed because something “is obviously wrong with it.”

Fish, Blue Gill, Pisces and such (Feb. 20-March 20)

  You love to be recognized as being creative. Like Mark Twain said, “All you need is ignorance and confidence, and you’re sure to have success.”

  This week you may be recognized for your uncommon creatively, ingenious responses that sound factual. Incredible as it may sound, made up facts in the right context can certainly seem credible.

NAries (March 21-April 20)

  You’re very devoted to children.

  This week, build a play ground and charge admission. Then admit to the children that was “wrong of you to charge admission.” Tell them your admission price was too small and that your boss will fire you if you don’t make up the difference. Then beg them for more money.

Tires (April 21-May 21)

   You tend to go to extremes.

  This week, you may go into a department store and cause a scene when you loudly proclaim that you think, “Some of the manikins are anorexic and need immediate medical attention or personal counseling!”

Jim & I (May 22-June 21)

   Sometimes you may be a little sarcastic, but this week you will want to change.  

   You may even take out an ad in the paper and offer free algebra classes to bored children in need of fun “spring break” activities.   

Canker(June 22-July 22)

  Your sign is sometimes swayed by “emotion” and you may over-react. But just think, when an asteroid destroys the earth in 2036, at least you will be prepared. 

Cle-O (July 23-Aug. 22)

    Sometimes you think and act bigger than others would dare.

   When you build the first skyscraper in Hanging Limb, Tennessee (Reference: Beavis and Butthead book) others may think you’re crazy, but just look at how Las Vegas has grown over the years.

Vertigo (Aug. 23-Sept. 23)

  Some folks born under this sign tend to hide or mask inner feelings/emotions.

  But that’s OK. 

  The next time you feel deep feelings for someone, don’t even try saying, “I love you.” Just take ‘em in your arms and say, “What do you think about that NASA Shuttle Program coming to an end?” If they have read your Hokiescope for this week they will respond with a hearty, “I Love YOU!” Then you can respond: “Even though I’ll never be an astronaut?”

Libra kadabra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23)

  If you gamble this week, you stand a good chance of winning. You stand a better chance of losing.

  And there is a slight chance that you won’t gamble. But don’t bet on it.  .

Crawdad (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)

  Your sign is quite gifted at many things; very inventive. You can even use sea grass as rim filler when you make a daffodil bucket.

  When basket weaving, sometimes you don’t even need the full ten minutes of soaking reeds in warm water. With your recipe, you can even get away with soaking the reeds for only nine minutes and the finished basket still looks great! Pretty cool huh?

Satch-YOU-Terry-Us (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)

  Your foresight and good judgment makes you a trusting politician. 

  Unfortunately you may not posses the brilliance of metaphor, the poetry of imagination or the eloquence of dictation to ever be elected... unless of course, you have a dazzling speechwriter with a flamboyant slogan reiterated in snappy, short media sound bites. 

   And you have to look pretty good on camera. Then simply answer all questions with the phrase:  “I promise to form committees to look into that.”

Capricorny (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)

  Keep yourself busy because you hate to fail. It depresses you.

  Just remember success is in the eye of the beholder, and so is beauty! 

  Just keep telling your banker that they are beautiful and your beholding to them. And you really appreciate their patience with the loan payment.

Last time, I think we said we might discuss what each sign means.  For instance the sign for Tires (April 21-May 21) is a Bull.  What would a bull have to do with tires?  Tune in next week for the answer—OR NOT….