Do not take this blog seriously, and don't drive and read!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Hokiescopes (Week of March 6 –March 12, 2011)

Since the WorLD WiDe wEb is full of predictions and horoscopes, then I must declare my piece of the “MOON-PIE!”
This web-log will prove its lack of awareness about the future by posting a drowsy consciousness pertaining to hold the keys to the future. Unlock the secrets of your sign as we peer skyward through the eyes of this week’s Hokiescopes  
(And you don’t even have to sign up for anything!)

Week of March 6 –March 12, 2011)

Aquarium (Jan 21-Feb. 19)
   You are capable of being inspired at work even if your work seems meaningless. You may even come up with organized, "employer-sponsored" fun and games.
   Just don’t let your employer know that he/she is sponsoring these fun & games; or at least let them win every time.
Fish, Blue Gill, Pisces and such (Feb. 20-March 20)
     Your sympathy equips you for working with charities.  However, you are secretive and vague, so make sure the “non-profit” organization you’ve created IS tax exempt. Have you heard of an EIN?   You’ve got to have one of those. It has to do with your bottom line… (Explanation-Involving-Net)
    This week, you are feeling generous and will give away your neighbor’s “happy go lucky” barking dog to a complete stranger!
NAries (March 21-April 20)
   You are responsible and dedicated. You make a courageous leader.  But does the entire Boy’s Scout troop need to do push-ups just because one kid can’t tie a knot correctly?
   After all, the Buntline Hitch tends to jam. So it’s not easy to untie anyway. Come on, lighten up!
Tires (April 21-May 21)
   Sometimes, your sign follows an unconventional religion.  But, in your mind, your religious cult just doesn’t have as many members as other “major” religious cults.
   Some day though, your crowd will catch up with Islam and Christianity. After all, you only trail the 3rd place Hindus by a mere 762 million followers.
Jim & I (May 22-June 21)
   You sure can bring out the positives in a negative situation.
   For example, when something negative happens to you, you know that it affects your entire family. When you lose, they lose! And it puts a smile on your face and that’s what keeps you going.
   With a nod, a wink and smile you can saunter through the week knowing that someone will pay for their ineptitude.  This unique characteristic makes every other sign envious of you. This week, the stars say you are extremely lucky.  OR, are the stars lying again because “they” are jealous?  
Canker(June 22-July 22)
  You’re persuaded by the emotion of the moment.  Your cognitive processes of emotions are recognized as either conscious or unconscious reactions.
    If you are unconscious, you are less emotional and tend to take things better.
    If you are consciously hearing bad news, it is best if you are restrained and placed in a padded room. If you are consciously hearing good news, it is best if you are restrained and placed in a padded room.
Cle-O (July 23-Aug. 22)
    You have a grandeur manner and tend to be extroverted.
    You and microphones go hand in hand. Just remember microphones are supposed to be placed gently on the stand and not hurled into the crowd in a crazed frenzy of emotion.
    This week is especially dangerous for the ladies.  Watch out! DUCK!  For some reason, your sign is more apt to getting hit in the head by flying debris that has nothing to do with any circumstances surrounding you.  Watch out for cats in trees, wigs in the breeze, and toenail clippings from 2nd floor balconies.
Vertigo (Aug. 23-Sept. 23)
  Both sexes have considerable charm and dignity. 
  But the female Virtigo has a side that few rarely see. She can get downright naughty and crazy; but only IF she’s alone in the bathroom
  On the other hand, male Virtigos will proudly “out-burp” any sign of the zodiac any time, any place.
Libra kadabra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23)
   You are usually a sentimental romantic. But you love a good action-adventure flick on TV or at the movies.
    And yes, you will cry at the end of Armageddon when Bruce Willis gets blown up on the asteroid.
    For the female, you will cry when you are asked to watch Armageddon for the 38th time!
Crawdad (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
  Your symbol is the scorpion. Orion was stung by a scorpion and it caused his death.
  To this day, falling stars hate landing in the desert.
Satch-YOU-Terry-Us (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
   You always look at the bright side. You’re great at seeing the silver lining in the clouds.
   Walt Disney (Dec. 5) made Mickey Mouse, a rodent, one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. He could’ve made “Rocky Roach” a household name if it hadn’t been for the breakdown in contract negotiations.  Plus, Rocky Roach didn’t get along with Tweety Bird… But that’s a whole different story involving blackmail, money laundering and an undisclosed amount of drugs and paraphernalia.  Your sign is pathetic. 
   But YOU Are Not!
   This week, you will continue to be the smartest person at your workplace.  And even if you are not the smartest, you make up for it in the amount that is written on your pay check. You are the envy of every sign accept for Jim & I.  Jim & I will rob you! Watch out!
Capricorny (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
   You can take a great idea and refine it to make it practical.
   This week, it is most likely; you will meet a creative genius. Using your wit and charm, you will proceed to make a million bucks off of this person.  The funny thing is… this person will later thank you for giving them a part-time job!
   Your sign, along with Satch-YOU-Terry-Us, is the envy of all other signs. But watch out for Jim & I ‘cause Jim & I will rob you!!!  It’s horrible!  Just horrible! Jim & I is comin’ to git yo money!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last time, I think we said we might discuss what each sign means.  You never can tell what the future holds… SO Just Hang in There!  Maybe it will happen next week!
For instance the sign for Tires (April 21-May 21) is a Bull.  What would a bull have to do with tires?  Tune in next week for the answer—OR NOT….

TO: The Undiscovered Sign:
(The sign the stars refuse to shine on… just yet)
Inconsequential actions lead to a homily directed at all prominent figures in attendance harboring ill will toward the keynote speakers thwarting any conservative effort to ballyhoo the intended purposes of the splash. 
ONLY your Sign will understand. GO Forth and read…
For the predicament precludes; therein lies the quandary.

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