Since the WorLD WiDe wEb is full of predictions and horoscopes, then I must declare my piece of the “MOON-PIE!”
This web-log will prove its lack of awareness about the future by posting a drowsy consciousness pertaining to hold the keys to the future. Unlock the secrets of your sign as we peer skyward through the eyes of this week’s Hokiescopes
(And you don’t even have to sign up for anything!)
Week of March 1 –March 6, 2011)
Aquarium (Jan 21-Feb. 19)
Your fierce independence sustains you because you so often refuse to follow the crowd.
But sometimes, you should follow the crowd; especially, when the department store closes at 9pm. Just go find your car and go home.
Fish, Blue Gill, Pisces and such (Feb. 20-March 20)
You like to read and let your mind wonder. You also like to watch TV and let your mind wonder. AND you like to take tests and let your mind wonder.
BUT PLEASE stop driving when you should be reading, or watching TV or taking a test!
NAries (March 21-April 20)
Avoid negative emotions such as resentment. And please don’t resent me for saying that.
This week, you may buy a waffle iron.
You also need to give back that dress—that one is just for the guys.
Tires (April 21-May 21)
You are sometimes a slave to your own desires. If you ever feel like you are a slave to someone else’s desires, check your birth certificate and make sure you were not born under a different sign.
Jim & I (May 22-June 21)
Sometimes, when you get angry, “in your mind” you may cuss like a sailor.
When, you’re not that angry, you may just cuss like a marine. There really isn’t much difference you know.
Canker(June 22-July 22)
You need to be bold. See what I did there? I made you bold.
Politically, you may change party affiliations. Make a decision!
This week, you may have a strong desire to change jobs. But in all likelihood, you will just change your socks and underwear... occasionally.
Cle-O (July 23-Aug. 22)
You may never delegate the carrying out of minor details to underlings. But your disdain for bosses is even worse.
This week, just like last week, you will attempt to do every single job around the house and every task at work… by yourself- and then you will have some more room to say things like, “WHY can’t I get some help around here? WHY do I have to do everything? WHY me?”
AND you will promptly give a satisfactory answer to your own rhetorical question.
Vertigo (Aug. 23-Sept. 23)
You hold the keys to all the answers of the universe.
Not really, but you think you do! Having an inquisitive nature is not the same as being nosy. Stop being nosy! It’s a good thing your sign doesn’t give a crap what others think.
For the ladies though… come on, give up the affair… time to grow up.
Libra kadabra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23)
If you’re single, an internet dating service has your match! A life-long partner has been found for YOU! Just go to the web-site now. They want to help you.
I can’t tell you the exact website because that is against our soothsayers’ policies under article 24(dash)-32-8-oh – I8teen eleven 42 under section B- Nixing exact-toes & power loss /Cause-Effect/ ratio.
(Psst- that was a hint, look to the stars and then count your toes backwards and do a cartwheel seven times in the direction of your “life turn.” The answer lies within the pages of “the turn” near the water’s edge of the sand under the fake star-fish next to the Shell station… Just think about it)
If the answer does not come to you this week, then this weekend you will run down an alley and holler, “Fish” until you find that special someone.
If you’re married, you will, again, lock yourself in the bathroom and holler, ‘fish!”
Congratulations your sign had the longest read of the week! You should feel warm and fuzzy, especially after you (figure it out)-- shhh (subliminal)… quiet (Coo olio)… concentrate (quatrain).
Crawdad (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
You have tenacity and will power.
This week, you may stand in line 30 minutes for something that most people would easily give up on.
But you absolutely have to have a free toy with your kid’s meal... SO what CAN you do? -RIGHT?
Satch-YOU-Terry-Us (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
You work best with folks who compliment your character.
You would make a good Power Ranger. This week, let your “Wonder Twin Powers Activate,” –Form of happiness, shape of a smile… and NOW, show off your super human characteristics!
Sometimes it's hard to smile. But if you'll go punch a clown (in makeup), you'll feel better.
Or just watch Oprah instead.
Capricorny (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
The inference, upon which an argument relies, is based on your own logic.
This week, just pass the ketchup when someone asks for it. PLEASE don't get bogged down in explanations and narratives behind the request.
Last time, I think we said we might discuss what each sign means. You never can tell what the future holds… SO Just Hang in There! Maybe it will happen next week!
For instance the sign for Tires (April 21-May 21) is a Bull. What would a bull have to do with tires? What would a smell have to do with taste? Where does the rubber meet the road? ALL very inconsequential questions we must answer! Tune in next week for the answers—OR NOT….