Do not take this blog seriously, and don't drive and read!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Hokiescopes (Week of March 13 –March 19, 2011)

Since the WorLD WiDe wEb is full of predictions and horoscopes, then I must declare my piece of the “MOON-PIE!”
This web-log will prove its lack of awareness about the future by posting a drowsy consciousness pertaining to hold the keys to the future. Unlock the secrets of your sign as we peer skyward through the eyes of this week’s Hokiescopes  
(And you don’t even have to sign up for anything!)

Week of March 13 –March 19, 2011)

Aquarium (Jan 21-Feb. 19)
   You don’t like excessive loneliness. And sometimes it’s hard for you to stay in a room by yourself for longer than ten minutes.
   This week, learn how to talk to yourself. Be loud and be proud! Don’t just let the voices in your head RAMBLE on and TELL YOU what to do.  
   Learn how to argue with yourself and disregard the looks from others at work.  
   You can even “pretend” like you’re talking on the cell phone.
Fish, Blue Gill, Pisces and such (Feb. 20-March 20)
    Your sign is said to make a good detective.
    In July of 1980 Phil Collins had a hit song called, “Sussudio.” You are still trying to figure out what the word means.
   You missed "The David Letterman Show" when Collins admitted, he made up that word.  It’s just a made up word! Sorry you missed that episode of Letterman.
   Oh well. Now it’s time to find out what a Gaga, a Bieber, & a Sussudio have in common. Hint: If you're thinking “Canopus,” you’re half-way “Sirius.”
NAries (March 21-April 20)
   You always have to have a cause to fight for... such is the nature of your sign.
   You are a ram!  Even when you parallel park, you don’t see any problem with ramming the vehicle in front of and behind you to get the perfect spot. Your mind says, “Ram it!” But the stars say, “Stop that!”
   Don’t do that anymore! Quit it.
Tires (April 21-May 21)
   You have an uncanny ability to suppress your feelings. You also like to analyze your dreams. 
   This week, you may have a dream you are walking down a garden path only to find bowling balls at the end of your watermelon vines. You will feel used and betrayed… like a “sucker.” But your dream just means that the “red” tomatoes (pictured on the package) you planted, are actually “yellow” tomatoes.
   Also, FYI… Do Not fall asleep in a car lot.
   You will also find a lucky rabbit and name her “Harvey.”
Jim & I (May 22-June 21)
   Get out of that superficial mindset and stop thinking about all the cool things your neighbors have.
   This week, take a hike or a cruise or just go fishing.  If the guy next to you catches a bigger fish, keep crossing his line until he leaves.  
Canker(June 22-July 22)
   You tend to put things off until the last minute.
   This week, make it point to go ahead and buy something for Halloween.
Cle-O (July 23-Aug. 22)
   Jennifer Lopez was born under your sign.
   This week you may watch “American Idol” and think to yourself, “Hey, that judge there, is the same sign as me!”
   You may not watch American Idol and think to yourself, “Wow, I didn’t know Jennifer and I had the same sign…”
   Whatever happens, just remember Jennifer barely made it. She was born on July 23rd. She was almost a Canker.
Vertigo (Aug. 23-Sept. 23)
   You have an irregular way of coping with stress... this week you should take down the pictures in your office and repair the holes in the wall.
    Here you go… you’ll love this!  You share the same sign as Charlie Sheen.  Charlie was born Sept. 3, 1965.   Hey Charlie, the same applies to you buddy. Take down the pictures and repair the holes in the wall.
Libra kadabra (Sept. 24-Oct. 23)
  The situations that make you ill at ease are only minor irritations to other signs. 
  But this week, you may make it a point to irritate everyone in any given situation. You should just relax. Chewing gum (loudly) is relaxing.
  Relaxing music for the male Libra kadabra would include: Mettallica, Motorhead, & Tool. 
  For the female: Taking your time at the check out can be very relaxing. Relaxing music for you would include: Iron Maiden, Motorhead, & Korn.
Crawdad (Oct. 24-Nov. 22)
  If people tend to ignore you or walk away when you walk up, it’s not because you smell funny. It’s because they are not the boss.
  This week, bribing employees will make you friends.
  Calvin Klein was born under your sign but this week, you might tell someone, “Calvin Kein is no friend of mine. I don’t want nobody’s name on my behind.”
Satch-YOU-Terry-Us (Nov. 23-Dec. 22)
   If you seem anchored in one spot and unable to move forward, it’s because you have a lousy job and your apartment (if you rent) is not worth the monthly expense.
   If you own a home, your job is great! It’s just your neighbors that irritate you. How does it feel to be anchored to that spot?
Capricorny (Dec. 23-Jan. 20)
    If you’re tired of doing a certain project, then just quit it.  Or do the next best thing and shame your spouse into finishing it for you.   If you don’t, you’re likely to end up in prison.
   Not really. 
   But that project will never get done if someone else doesn’t do it!

Last time, I think we said we might discuss what each sign means.  You never can tell what the future holds… SO Just Hang in There!  Maybe it will happen next week!
For instance the sign for Tires (April 21-May 21) is a Bull.  What would a bull have to do with tires?  Tune in next week for the answer—OR NOT….

TO: The Undiscovered Sign:
(The sign the stars refuse to shine on… just yet)
Your shoes don’t fit and you can’t take them back because gravity is not the same on this planet.

No comments:

Post a Comment