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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Celebrity Apprentice (The Fly Speaks)

This is obviously from a hidden recording.  Someone has taken the time to put it in a script format and this is a behind the scenes look at the first day on the set of the new “Celebrity Apprentice.”  It’s very rare that you find something like this before the show goes on the air.  I only wish I could have been a fly on the wall in that room!
Celebrity Apprentice, The Cast:  Lil Jon, Gary Busey, Hope Dworaczyk, John Rich, Richard Hatch, Donald Trump, Jr., Donald Trump, Sr., Ivanka Trump, David Cassidy, Niki Taylor, NeNe Leakes, Dionne Warwick, Jose Canseco, Star Jones, Lisa Rinna, Mark McGrath, Marlee Matlin, Meat Loaf, La Toya Jackson
Qualifications of the cast of Celebrity Apprentice:
Direct from the NBC Promo-Trailer for the show:
La Toya Jackson- Claims she is: “an entrepreneur and a Jackson”
Star Jones- Attorney and TV personality
NeNe Leakes- Was on ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ – says, “When I walk into a room I own it.”-
Dionne Warwick- “I have 5 grammys.”
Lisa Rinna – “I was on days of our lives.”
Mark McGrath- “I was voted sexiest rocker of the year …1998”
Jose Canseco- Pro Baseball player
David Cassidy- singer
Meatloaf- “better to hell in a handbasket…”
Lil Jon – “I have an incredible smile.”-(golden)
Richard Hatch- “I’m good at being naked… that’s why folks think I won ‘Survivor…’ want to see?”
Gary Busey- “You’re dealing with a vampire that has a day pass.”
Those not mentioned in the promo, include:
Niki Taylor- Model
Hope Dworaczyk- Reigning Playboy Playmate of the Year
Marlee Matlin- Actress and Author of “I’ll scream Later.”- Deaf since 18 and youngest woman to win and Academy Award for Best Lead Actress
John Rich-  Country singer, Big & Rich Band

Scene opens with the group sitting in a room filled with couches and chairs.  Everyone appears to be comfortable accept for Gary Busey who is pacing, and mumbling to himself

Lil Jon: Hey, what are you so jittery for “Busboy?”
Gary Busey: I told you not to call me that ginger snap!
Lil Jon: (Jumps up & gets in Busey’s face) Yeah, when you come off your smart*** remarks, I’ll…
(Interrupted by Jose Canseco)
Jose Canseco: Hey guys, calm down! What is wrong with you people?
Lil Jon: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with me- this mother…
(Interrupted again)
Canseco: Cool it! Or I’m gonna beat you both with a bat!
John Rich: Beat ‘em with a bat! (Smiling as if to joke)
Busey: Shut up ‘Rich’ boy! Remember you ain’t Big~!
J. Rich: What the heck is crawlin’ up your butt Busey?
Busey: I don’t’ work on January 8th because that’s Elvis’s birthday!
Dionne Warwick: Gary, this is not January. That was two months ago.
Busey: Oh.
Hope Dworaczyk: (Pointing at Busey & asking Latoya) Are we sure he’s OK?
Busey: I’ll be fine now.
Meatloaf:  (Looks over at Hope) HE busted his head up pretty good in a motorcycle accident.
Hope: OH, I thought he had a plane crash or something.
Richard Hatch:  You’re thinking of his character.
J. Rich: Or his career.
Busey: Hey!
Meatloaf:  No. He played the role of Buddy Holly.
R. Hatch: Yeah.
Meatloaf:  And Buddy died in a plane crash
R. Hatch: Yeah.
Busey: Yeah
Hope: Who’s Buddy Holly?
Meatloaf: The singer.
R. Hatch:  The singer who was killed in a plane crash.
La Toya Jackson: My brother died! (Starts sobbing uncontrollably)
Dionne W.: I told you all not to mention singers who have died!
Lil Jon: ‘Loaf was talkin’ bout a character ‘Busboy’ played.
Mark McGrath: (Puts an arm around Latoya, trying to console her) Calm down. He wasn’t talking about your brother. It’s OK; your brother didn’t die in plane crash.
La Toya:  But he’s still dead!  (Sobs Louder)
Dionne W.: I warned you all what would happen!
Busey: She is on the women’s team isn’t she?
J. Rich: Yeah
Meatloaf: Yeah
NeNe Leakes:  Hey Janet!!  Try not to think about it.
La Toya:  I’m Latoya!
NeNe: Whatever… Somebody is fixin’ to get up out of here and find me a bagel. I’m hungry!
McGrath:  Have some sympathy! Can’t you see Janet is hurting? (Continues to hug Latoya)
Latoya Jackson: I’m Latoya!
NeNe: I don’t give a crap! I own this room. Hey skinny girl (points at Hope)
Hope: Me?
NeNe:  Yeah you. Ain’t no other skinny girl in here is there?
Star Jones: NeNe, you need to put that temper on simmer girl.
NeNe: I wasn’t talkin’ to you.  Did I say chubby girl?
(Star stands up)
Niki Taylor:(points at herself) Wait, I’m a model… I’m skinny!
(Star gets up in NeNe’s face)
Star:  Little miss ‘Real Housewife.’ You ain’t even going to start with me girlfriend!
NeNe:  Sit your black a** down b***!
Star:  Oh, no you didn’t!
Nene: (Pointing her finger in Star’s face) What you gonna’ do now!??!
Star: I’m gonna’ be on you like Charlie Sheen and make you my real housewife B***!
(Canseco and Hatch step between them)
Canseco: Come on now ladies.
Hatch: Yeah, the cameras are not rolling yet.  Save it for the show!
Lil Jon: I can’t wait to see a good cat fight!
David Cassidy: Hey Canseco, you still juicing up?
Canseco: What did you say?
Cassidy: Oh, I’m no accusing you. I’m just saying, I’m still in AA and I can’t be around needles.
Lil Jon:  Are you planning to shoot-up some vodka, Butch?
Cassidy: AA means any drug.
Canseco: I don’t shoot up… you little twerp.
J. Rich: Hit him with the bat!
Busey: Let’s see a good bat fight! (Starts laughing and slapping Rich on the shoulder)
Niki Taylor:  I’m not anorexic.
Dionne: There is not going to be a bat fight or a cat fight!
Niki Taylor:  Am I skinny or thin?
Lisa Rinna:  This is like a soap opera.  I was on one for years so I should know.
Lil Jon:  Girl, I was just sitting here looking at you & I knew I’d seen you somewhere.
Lisa Rinna:  Thanks.
Lil Jon: You married to Brad Pitt??
Lisa Rinna: No
Lil Jon: You that girl with the big lips!
Hatch: No that’s Angelina Jolie.
Lisa Rinna: I had a lip reduction.
Lil Jon: You kiddin’ me!  You look like Jose done went & busted you up side the lip with his bat.
NeNe: No doubt, how big were your lips before?
Star: I’m an attorney Lisa and you don’t have to answer that.
Meatloaf: (mumbles to himself) OH, here we go to hell in a handbasket again…
NeNe: Who asked you Star Jones?? Didn’t I tell you I own this room??
J. Rich: She owns this room and she’s gonna hit everybody with bat!
(Everyone starts talking at once)
Canseco: I’m going to level you Richie Rich!
Cassidy: Jose!! Are you sure you don’t have any needles, cause I’m jonesin’ bad!
Niki Taylor: Nobody answered my question… am I skinny or thin?
Hope: I don’t think you’re anorexic. (Winks at Niki)
McGrath:  It’s OK Miss Jackson, why don’t we get out of here and go have a glass of wine.
Jackson: Miss Jackson? McGrath, do I look old to you?
McGrath:  No, I just forgot which one you are.
Lil Jon: Hey ‘Busboy,” how come you don’t work on Elvis’ birthday?
Busey: I don’t remember (both laugh)
Hatch: When do we all get naked? (Yelling) I’m getting naked now!!!
J Rich: Don’t get naked. There’s not enough room for Lisa’s lips, Busey’s teeth and your big white butt to fit in one room.
Canseco:  You deserve this you little punk! (Gets ready to swing his bat)
J Rich: (laughing) Oh god, Canseco is gonna’ hit me with a bat!
Busey: Hit him with a bat.
Dionne: I can’t swing a bat, but I can swing a Grammy!
Meatloaf: Hey Lisa, just think… These are the ‘days of our lives!’
Cassidy:  Doesn’t anybody have a needle!!!!

Marlee Matlin: (Does sign language to her assistant/interpreter) I never thought I would sign this, but sometimes it’s good to be deaf. I can hear no evil, speak no evil and close my eyes and see no evil. (They both laugh as he says something in sign-language back to her)
NeNe:  Hey! What did she say? (Looks at Marlee Matlin) What did you say? You ain’t said nothin’ this whole time, and you and your friend just start laughing out of thin air????
Busey: Give a rest NeNe.
(THE Donald ‘Trump’ walks into the room)
NeNe: I ain’t giving nothing a rest until I find out what she said!
The Donald: Give it rest NeNe.  Has everyone had a chance to meet and greet each other?
(Lots of low grumbling and talking in the room)
The Donald:  By leaving you alone in this room, I was hoping you would all have a chance to cozy up and make friends with your teammates.
Meatloaf: And that’s exactly what happened. Donald.  We were just about to start ‘making love out of nothing at all.’ You want to join us?

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